My Preci♥us: May 2014

Hello there!
Been a loooooong time not blogging! How's blogger life doing? All is good? Hehehe.

So, I have just came back from my lovely hometown to Surabaya, again, after three months releasing miss with my parents and little brother. Come back? YES, because I love Surabaya that much! But, the truth is there are some reasons why I come back here. They are:

1) Finishing my draft to complete the scholarship requirements to apply my Master Degree in Milan. (Yeap, I'm going to continue my study there. It gonna take another blog-post to tell y'all the whole story about it). So, I need to visit the library, looking for some references. Sometimes, not all things you can find in the internet. Still a lot of to done and the deadline is next week. Just wish me tons of luck!
2) Looking for some another new experiences. To be honest, I feel like I'm numb when I have nothing to do. And when my mom is around, I got more depressed because she asked too much questions which the answers I'm still looking for. It made me more confused and feel uncomfortable (beside being home itself is comfortable), so I choose to come back here and find another job or something.
3) Back to civilization. I'm in love with this city since I was a kid. I have been living here for 7 years before I moved to Central Java, then I came back as a freshman college lady with broader thoughts than before. More over, you couldn't resist the facilities that this big city offers you. There are a lot of opportunities and colleagues, I need them.
4) I miss my friends. Like A LOT! I just can't live without them. While I was in my hometown, I feel like a little bit 'lonely' and bored. Not that I have no friends. I do have a lot of friends, like everywhere around the city, but, they are not the same. I got confused whom I should ask to accompany me hangouts. I can't go out to the movie with myself either, because I had to drive more than an hour just to watch a movie. And I don't wanna be alone while I was driving depart and back. Even more, I don't know whom to ask to be joined me when I was really craving for Starbucks' Frappucinno or Sushi Tei's matcha ice cream. Really! I didn't lie. I was in the middle of a crossroads of thoughts. I have no one to share or exchange thoughts. Or maybe I have, I just don't think they would understand. Or, I just don't want to deal with what if they had another opinions against me. (Haha, I know expectation always hurt.); and no money. Lol, hate to say it, but, I was jobless when I'm home. Not in the mood of doing any job while I'm home.

Now, I'm here, struggling for new experiences of life. It's like the new chapter for me after quitted from my old job. I got plans of did a spiritual journey (Oh yeah, I still gotta post some of the photos and stories later. Don't worry!), some family occasions, and my plans to focus at my master degree enrollment, therefore I quit.

I was leaving my hometown with some wishes, big dreams, and visions. I might come with bare hands, but I got plans and skills, and I trust my God has planned something for me too. Wanna hear my thoughts about it?

We literally came to this world with a purpose. I've been thinking and re-thinking about it. I didn't know what my purpose yet. Seriously! But, I'm pretty sure it's not gonna be too far from God's plan. Of course, it's a God's plan. I mean something I need to do in church, service HIM in all the way I live. I've been passionate for dancing, though I haven't danced again for more than five years in church. I haven't practiced again for almost a year. Do I forget how to dance? Don't I want to go back to dance? The answer is ABSOLUTELY! I'm absolutely not forget how to dance and I am absolutely wanna go back to dance. I'm still looking for the right chance, on the right purpose and the right time (remembering that I'm going to leave this country in months).

I'm growing older. I'm getting mature. I have to admit it. I'm not the same girl with just big dreams, but I am now having a vision or maybe visions. Seeing difficulties and hard times I got now made me more grateful. I do have a blessed life. I have a complete body-parts, a complete family still, and a lot of best friends got my back and love me that much. How could I be not grateful for it? But sometimes, when the dark time comes, you want someone to stay at your side. Just by staying at your side and everything seems alright. I still pray for that someone. Come on, you still can live happily without a boyfriend, right? I've been saying to myself: "If you still can't survive and stand up on your own feet, do not burden someone else".

Being like in a crossroads and struggling phase right now also made me realize, a leader wasn't born with a perfect condition, he sets the imperfectness perfectly. Don't let your past bring you down, but learn from it. Learn from your mistakes. You reap what you sow. You earn what you do. And work hard because hard work won't betray.

I remember someone told me: " When you see people like having good times every time, don't envy them, because they maybe have worked hard for it before. But if they do something wrong when you do something right, don't envy them too. You know it is hard when you drive up to the peak. You use the first or second pedal only. Well, they might on their way down to the valley, so they can go faster than you. They had their 'fun' times wrongly to go down, to the valley. And, remember when you fall, it takes a harder effort to drive up again. You beed to start again from zero speed." So, don't stop doing the right things you need to do. Fight for what you want, what you dream!

And that was a little fire in me every time I feel down or having bad times. So, don't give up! You can't have a little rainbow without a little rain, remember? :)